It’s been 5 weeks…

Just over 5 weeks ago I had my stomach transformed into the wonderful gastric sleeve. I still have a fully functioning stomach, just much smaller. The first few days after surgery were rough, mostly due to a bad reaction I had to pain meds. I must say that vomiting after having surgery on your stomach only a few hours earlier is quite possibly one of the most painful things ever.  But of course I made it home just fine, conquered the week of broth/tea/water and moved on to eating “real” food because I am a CHAMPION.  P.S. repeating the phrase “I’m a champion” in my head many times a day is a new habit of mine and it is quite empowering.

Over the past 5 weeks, I have lost about 40 lbs.  I still weigh myself but not each day so I do not have the exact amount offhand.  I feel great.  My body moves easier without carrying around 4 huge bags of potatoes each day.  Most of all, my already bad knees feel more fluid and less painful.  I am sticking with my goal to lose 100 lbs during this first year after surgery.  I will get there through my new eating habits and with exercise.

The support around me has been so tremendous.  From the staff at Dr. Blackstone’s office (who is the BEST bariatric surgeon in the country and probably the world), to my co-workers, my family, my wife and now this cool weight loss community that I have found online.  I have never been that girly-girl that worried a great deal about physical appearance and I still don’t worry much about how I look but when I do catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or a passing window, I can say that I look good.  My face looks great, my skin seems to glow and my shape is gorgeous.

So that is my update for now…going strong, so glad I had surgery and I will keep taking it all in like the CHAMPION that I am.

In other news (and many of our peeps already know this), Jenn and I are having a baby!  She is due in July.  So many changes and blessings ahead of us.  She is such a beautiful pregnant woman and is making it out of the first trimester nausea and lack of energy with such a great attitude.  This blessing is by far the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.  I can’t wait to be a mommy and to parent this child with the love of my life.

Less than a week

Wow – I can’t believe my surgery is 5 days away. Jenn and I have been planning for this since June and it is almost here. My excitement is far greater than any nervousness I have.

No one is stealing my joy or focus. I am ready and am so blessed to have an amazing wife and a wonderful support network of family and friends.

Do Not Be Anxios

Matthew 6:25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?”

Surgery, really? Girl, you crazy!

No, actually, I am not. Surgery for weight loss is a very valid option for me. I am not lazy and have tried other weight loss methods – they did not work for me long term. I have no major comorbidities like diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, etc. Some people that have weight loss surgery are on death’s door. Thankfully, I have my health.

Unlike some weight loss surgeries, I am not having my stomach removed…I am having it restructured – made smaller. In time, I will still be able to eat most “normal” food, just in smaller portions. That is part of weight loss success. The other is exercise. For anyone that has known me for a while, you know that I have been very active most of my life except for the recent past with my achy joints. Getting my exercise in will be fun! I love to play sports, hike, bike ride. Don’t worry…I’ve got this.

My final point is that surgery does sound scary. Going under anesthesia, getting cut open, days in the hospital. I have done it before with my spleen surgery and shoulder surgery so I know what I am in for with a surgery and hospital stay. BUT as drastic as surgery sounds, think about the crazy shit people do all the time to lose weight…

Take HCG pregnancy hormones to trick their body into metabolizing fat differently

Drastic yo-yo dieting where you are allowed cabbage soup for 3 weeks

Consuming amphetamines that cause heart damage

Barfing (gross)

Eating a pound of bacon a day and swearing off carbs to force their body into a foreign state

Surgery is a big deal but it will not damage my body like the list of things that many others do to lose weight. It makes sense to me. Smaller stomach & less food = smaller Monica.

So just like you don’t talk to a pregnant woman about miscarriages and dead babies and just like you don’t talk to the stage 4 cancer patient about chemo that doesn’t work – don’t talk to me about your co-worker that got the lap bad and gained all of their weight back, don’t talk to me about your pal that had the surgery and ate ice cream all day and stretched their stomach back out and don’t talk to me about failure.

I am Monica. I am stronger than you know. I’ve got this. And I will see you in October 2012 as a lighter, more fit Monica because I am having weight loss surgery that is going to be a huge success for me.

Talk is Cheap

You all know that girl. The one with boobs the size of grapes that suddenly comes back from a two week vacation with grapefruits. You know she had surgery but she isn’t going to share that information with you.

I have thought about what to tell people about losing weight. Could I say I have lost weight through hard work and diet (which would be true) and omit the surgery factor? I could, but I won’t. That’s not me.

I have lived a lot of my life with my heart on my sleeve and my soul open for all to see. I share what is going on in my world with others and I will not hesitate to tell peole that I am losing weight through hard work AND with the help of surgery. Why deny it? I want people to know that surgical weight loss is a very real option for those that can’t do it on exercise and diet alone.

So here I am. With my heart on my sleeve and my soul wide open. Hoping to share this journey. Or to just to write about it for my own therapy.

I will never be “thin”. If you look at me, I am big. My hands and feet are big, my shoulders are broad and oh goodness, I have the biggest head ever. And I don’t care about being a size 4. I want to do this because I want to be healthy. I want to add years to my life by losing weight. I want to be involved the lives of my grandchildren just as I have been blessed with amazing grandparents.

So here I go.

Big news, smaller Monica

The date is secured; 11/22/11 I will be having Bariatric surgery…about 80% of my stomach will be removed in a “gastric sleeve” procedure. With surgical help and lots of hard work, I will lose weight.

I am hoping to write about this journey along the way.

I’m Back

Thanks for the reminder, Jen Salas.  I need to write.  I love to write.  I write all over.  Little notes at work, my secret Live Journal, notes on my phone.  But honestly writing here is very fulfilling and who doesn’t enjoy fulfillment?!?

It has been over a year since I last put up a post here.  What a year it has been!  This is my most important life lesson from the past year:  If you have a plan for life, toss it out the window because just about everything on it will end up different in the end. 

I am happy and at peace with my life, my job, my surroundings and especially my heart.  First, I became really good at loving myself again and then suddenly I met a great girl at the coffee shop by my house.  After a few dates, I was smitten and that smitten feeling has turned into a deep, honest and mutual love. 

Life is funny that way.  I guess the boys were right when they sang about the love you take is equal to the love you make.

The Roof

Growing up across the street from an elementary school is golden to a small-town kid.  There are secret parts of the school that only you and your neighborhood friends know about.  It is like getting full-time access to one big kick ass backyard.  When you live close by, the school is yours for kickball games on the weekends and to use the swing sets before dinner. 

Playing ball at the school meant many different pieces of sports equipment ended up on the roof.  During fits bats would get flung up in the air and land on the roof.  The neighborhood beast would clobber a home run and your ball ends up on the roof. 

Once every few months, the janitor would call us over and he would go roof-side to toss off everything that had accumulated on the roof.  It was definitely a highlight for us.  Our games were back on!

It is the little things I remember about that school that light me up.  Some of the best times of my childhood were spent on the ground of Inspiration Elementary.   To this day, I still have vivid dreams of flying around the playground.  I wonder what those dreams mean?

This Is Where I Leave You

Reading a Jonathan Tropper book called This is Where I Leave You for my book club.  Just started it so only a few chapters in but so far, so good.  It is so funny.  And it seems to be quite timely for me.  Some of what he is describing about a relationship ending sounds just like my relationship ending.  Isn’t it funny that when you are going through a bunch of crap you try to relate little things back to yourself.  How egotistical!  Maybe it’s just me – see, even that statement is egotistical.  There are like 6 billion people in the world and thinking “maybe it’s just me” about anything is pretentious.

I digress. 

I wanted to share part of the book that reminded me of my marriage:

Marriages fall apart.  Everyone has reasons, but no one really knows why.  We got married young.  Maybe that was our mistake.  In New York State, you can legally get married before you can do a shot of tequila.  We knew marriage could be difficult in the same way that we knew there were starving children in Africa.  It was a tragic fact but worlds away from our reality.  We were going to be different.  We would keep the fire stoked; best friends who f****d each other senseless every night.  We would avoud the pitfalls of complacency; stay young at heart and in shape, keep our kiss long and deep and our bellies flat, hold hands when we walked, conduct whispered conversations deep into the night, make out in movie theatres…

Love made us partners in narcissism, and we talked ceaselessly about how close we were, how perfect our connection was, like we were the first people in history to ever get it exactly right.  We were that couple for a while, nauseatingly impervious assholes, busy staring into each other’s eyes while everyone else was trying to have a good time.  When I think about how stupid we were, how obstinately clueless about the realities that awaited us, I just want to go back and find myself with my bloated heart and kick my teeth in.  I want to tell myself how the love will fall into a routine, how the sex, while still perfectly fine, will become commonplace enough that it won’t be unheard of to postpone it in favor of a television show, or a late-night snack.  How they’ll stop strategically smotheering their farts and closing the door to urinate; how it will feel being self-cpncious telling funny stories to their friends in front of her, because she’s heard all the funny stories before.  How they will get into raging fights over the most trivial issues.  How an unspoken point system will come into play, with each keeping score according to their own complicated set of rules.  I want to materialize before myself like the Ghost of Christmas Past and scare away the matrimonial impulse.  Forget marriage.  Just go for the tequila. 

What a great book so far.  Glad I am able to find some humor in this mess that has become my life.

Environment vs. Jobs

Read this article and tell me who wins…Globe-Miami needs the jobs but this would destroy a beautiful area:

http://www.azcentral.com/community/pinal/articles/2009/04/24/20090424coppertour04224.html